Aloha from Waikiki

The heat from the pavement made Brad’s feet ache. He kept walking, following that tiny string bikini swaying on the curvy rear up ahead. Hypnotised by the motion of her hips, he’d walked behind the girl since the beach.

Her rubber soled shoes smacking against bare feet, the pendulum swinging dark plait, all conspired to mesmerise Brad. Without a plan of what he would say – did he dare ask her for a drink?

Suddenly she stopped, turned. Alarmed, he spun away to study the tourist hats, heart thudding. She walked on. Coming to his senses, Brad did not follow.


Flash fiction for the picture prompt – follow the link to see who else is particpating. Many thanks to Ted Strutz for tagging me

23 thoughts on “Aloha from Waikiki

  1. tedstrutz

    I am honored to be the first to comment on your new blog, Polly. A fine foray into Friday Fictioneers it is too, my sense that this would be a good fit for you was correct. Wait till you meet Rochelle! (hold onto your hat)

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  2. Pingback: Little Sally Decides to be a Dancer | TedBook

  3. Dale

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers, Polly.
    Brad has to learn some skills… following and then pretending not to is not a way to intrigue a woman! Excellent take on the prompt.

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  4. rochellewisoff

    Dear Polly,

    Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! I could feel Brad’s palms sweating and his heart thudding. Poor guy. I wonder what would’ve happened if he’d actually approached her. Well done. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Polly Cullen Post author

      Thanks Rochelle that’s great feedback that he felt ‘real’.
      I have enjoyed joining in with your fiction prompt & hope to link up again soon – everyone has been very welcoming and I have read several, although my comments have not always published (I’ll need to use a different browser)

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    1. Polly Cullen Post author

      You’re not the first to say that. It wasn’t something I’d considered as I wrote it – I was conveying his shyness. Thanks I have been made to feel welcome.

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      1. Na'ama Yehuda

        Ah, how interesting! He may well have BEEN shy but was PERCEIVED as creepy – which, I suppose, can be the case with some who might follow a woman and not intend any harm yet creep her (or observers) out in the process. 🙂
        People are so interesting!
        Glad you feel welcome. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Polly Cullen Post author

      Mesmerised is the operative word Susan – well that was how I motivated him.Nice feedback, thanks

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  5. Jules

    Hi… I think you visited one of my posts ‘Craving Answers’ – All I get is %20polly-cullen.net in the comment ID – is this you?
    So I went looking for you.
    I went to the prompts I played at and didn’t find you at any of them.
    If you like to write short flash fiction you might also like Carrot Ranch (99 words no more no less).

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    1. Polly Cullen Post author

      Hi Jules, I did visit yes, and I’m writing fiction on my site Griffins Key. Thanks for the tip about the flash fiction prompt, I’ll take a look

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